My life with depression

from Pixabay by johnhain

from Pixabay by johnhain

Anonymous

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Ever since I entered the sixth grade, my parents noticed that I had changed. I was not as cheery as the people closest to me knew I was; I was just down, tired, depressed.

I was bullied by one of my ‘friends’ throughout all of middle school. I actually do not remember any of this happening; I only remember a feeling of sadness and hatred toward myself. Emotional trauma can cause memory loss in anyone that has experienced some sort of traumatic experience. This is a defensive mechanism done by the brain in order to protect the person from psychological damage. This is called dissociative amnesia, this helps a person cope with trauma by temporarily losing details of the said event(s).

But from what I can remember of that time, I only remember the emotions that came along with that period of my life. I hated myself. I had no self-love. I felt that I was not good enough nor could I ever be. I felt like everything in the world was against me. I felt like there was no purpose to anything I was doing and that I should just give up.

Depression is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. You have to fight against yourself on a daily basis. You have to work incredibly hard in order to just stay alive for that day. You have to push through, persevere and win. It is the hardest and most difficult battle anyone could face.

One of the reasons it is so hard is because not many people see it is a valid disease. They see it as you are just being a baby about your situation or you are just are not trying hard enough to be happy. This is clearly coming from someone who has never dealt with depression or anything that comes along with the disease. You cannot just take off depression like taking off a backpack after a long day at school. That is not how it works. You have to push through every day, fight hard and beat it. You do not get a break from depression or a day off. It is every single day for as long as a couple weeks to a couple years.

Nowadays, mental illness is seen as some kind of joke to excuse laziness, lack of motivation and sadness. On a daily basis, I hear people talk about how ‘depressed’ they are because something did not go their way or they did not get something they wanted. Why can such a serious disease be so lightly joked about? Even if no harm is meant from the statement, it does not give an excuse to people who say they are ‘so depressed’ when all they are really going through is a short period of sadness. Depression is a long-lasting bought of sadness that does not stop after a day or even a couple days. Do not claim to have depression when you really do not. That is unfair to the people, such as myself, who struggle with depression. They have to push themselves every single day just to stay alive.

It took me about three-four years to beat depression. It was a lot of hardship, loneliness and hurt, but what I have learned from my experience is: you can defeat depression, but it will not be easy. They say, ‘things will get better’, ‘things will look up’, ‘you will get better’. They are definitely clichés, but they are true. Things will get better, even if it does not seem like it.

Do not be afraid to ask for help, do not assume that people will telepathically know what you are dealing with and how they can help you. You have to ask and speak up for yourself. Tell your doctor, your parent(s), your grandparent(s), anyone you feel comfortable telling that you are struggling.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

 

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