Condit passes up stock market, invests in black market

Caitlin B., Staff Reporter

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Anyone who has been in one of Ashland High School’s Economics classes taught by social studies teacher Mark Condit are likely familiar with his stock market investments. However, Condit has decided to leave the stock market behind in order to invest in a much more lucrative opportunity: the black market. After 13 years of teaching about the black market, Condit decided that he needed more experience in black market investments in order to teach as well as possible.

The black market contains many items that peak every student’s and teacher’s interests, such as vapes, exotic animals, crude oil and so much more. Condit’s black market investments have led to higher student participation in many of his economic classes.

“When I mentioned that I had stocks bought in a chinchilla trafficking scheme, it was almost like everyone’s ears perked up. Whenever we study investing, I’ve caught students rapidly taking notes as though their lives depended on it,” said Condit in an exclusive interview.

Condit’s switch to the black market was much smoother than anticipated. After having invested in stocks for tobacco companies, Condit decided to place all of those stock earnings into a local underage vape dealer.

“Whenever [Condit] catches students vaping in class, he asks them where they got it. If they didn’t get it from [the dealer] he confiscates it and punishes them,” said an anonymous student. “A lot of students have quit vaping altogether because the punishments are far too traumatizing.”

Though the act of investing in the black market is very similar to the stock market, Condit has found a much higher level of certainty in the black market. According to Condit, “The NASDAQ and the DOW were just too inconsistent. They’d go up and down drastically. The market for chinchillas is always high. Students tend to think anything illegal is cool, so the black market is going really well right now. ”